Does Bin Laden Love Online Poker?
by Marc Brown of Madwinners.com - 10/12/2006

So a bunch of right-wing, "throw a bone at the Christian coalition in an election year", bad tie wearing idiots find a way to pass some bullshit internet gambling legislation by attaching it to a port security bill. Holy Nazism, Batman! Yes, I said Nazism. Because the perversion of existing laws and a manipulation of the legislative system is EXACTLY how Jews ended up in ovens. Okay, maybe I'm attaching a little too much importance to this whole thing. But ask me though, am I angry? Go ahead... No, I'm serious... Fucking ask me!

"Okay, fine Marc, are you angry?"

YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE I AM! 30 million people in this country are gambling online and these polyester putzes have the audacity to try and legislate morality. And they don't even do it out in the open. The bill was passed on a Friday so that the media couldn't start attacking. And like the snivelling bunch of duplicitous dick heads that they are, they attach it to a bill on Port Security that should've been passed five years ago!

"Well, maybe Bush won't sign it" you say.

HA! Are you living in a dream? Of course he'll fucking sign it! Bush doesn't veto anything. He doesn't have to. He has the Congress in his back pocket. Understand something, we live in a country where the orchestration of government is handled by fringe elements within one party. That is a fact. Plain and simple. And now that we know Foley likes to talk dirty to teenage boys because "oh, I was molested when I was young and so now I'm an alchoholic and every time I smell beer it just makes me want to fuck a young Republican man in the ass" it's just more reason to deflect the media away from the predilection of certain people within the party and let America know that Bush and the elephants are prepared to defend our country by making sure Aunt Tilly can't blow her tithing money playing Caribbean Stud poker online. The whole thing sickens me. But let's make sure we all understand the facts of the bill and the true ramifications.

First of all, the bill does not say you can't play online. It makes it illegal for banks and credit card companies to fund offshore accounts. Yes, this may mean that some institutions shy away from the practice. I mean, after all, credit card companies are really only looking out for your best interest. Oh, and speaking of interest, "here's a card and if you miss a payment, we'll only raise your interest to 30 percent!" Gotta love those good folk over at Capital One. Still, there will be ways to fund accounts. There are now. Plenty of them. And there's no way the government is going to do anything about it. Offshore casinos will still be around. Some transactions may take a little more time and effort but, I promise, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO PLAY and, when you win, YOU WILL GET PAID! If you have any other fears or concerns, feel free to give us a call and we'll explain to you exactly what's happening and give you legal alternatives for safe and responsible wagering. No one in this company will ever suggest that gambling addiction doesn't exist. It does. So does Twinkie addiction. If you have a problem then you should seek help. But we have rights as Americans and that includes the right to DOUBLE DOWN any fucking time we want!

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